Saturday, October 04, 2008
you: all the while i genuinely thought you cared about me. but as every holiday comes and creeps away i'm starting to doubt it. at the beginning we were good. we really were. i stood by you and tried all my ways to cheer you up when you were down and you showed me that you appreciated it but it seems things have changed. has it? or was it me just caring and concerned about you cos naturally i would and you taking it passively? now you're down and i'm here again despite how things were when you left. can we find it back? can you start to care for me again like how you should?
and you: seriously, must you pick on me everyday whatever it's about? even about the fact i went tanning? you have to say things like i'm skinny and dark so ugly. like okay this is my own choice do you have to criticize everything i do?! and it's not like i'm even dark after tanning! i' so angry zzzz. and it's like this part of you that i can't stand, it makes me feel really full of rage every now and then. when you see me watching something online you start scolding me as though i'm supposed to be studying all the time every single minute. i can't even watch any tv now it's ridicuous you're starting all her nonsense again! yes again! i just feel like scolding vulgarities. and you're always hurting me yet each time i always forgive you and take it in my stride. it's no wonder i have such low self-esteem. day in and out i'm always getting put down for every single thing i do and i hate it like hell. i don't even understand. why can't you just let go of stuff and make my life happier? it's like how you keep saying that i'm too thin like as though i'm some walking vulgarity ( i'm not even that thin) like just give me a break okay it's not as if i diet or i don't eat. it's like you just keep pointing out all my imperfections and everything i'm not to me which i alr know. i just knew you cldn't accept who i am but doing it on a constant basis is just too much and i can't do anything about it except forget and let go. why can't you be the one letting go instead? i will never do this in future.
love you like a sister;
12:14 am
